Blue Fish (Lan Yu): The underground in Harbin.

If you are sick of Andy Lau songs being played by a student on his acoustic guitar. Of an atmosphere that consists of two customers that have managed to find the bar and then bought fifteen plates of snacks, a bottle of Ha-Pi (for himself) and a glass of water (for herself), who, rather than actually talk to each other, then begin to text or play games on their mobiles. Then I have the solution……. 

OK, so when I said that Harbin has no underground I was not entirely being honest, I took a little poetic license. Don’t be angry I was saving it, it’s all in the timing you see. Harbin has it, you need to find it, be introduced, just know the secret handshake. If you can get a taxi to Ma Duan Jie, ask for Lan Yu bar. Ignore the knowing glances and suspicious smiles. After getting dropped off put on your straight / gay face, you are now in the best bar in Harbin. Lan Yu is Harbin’s gayest bar.    

You are about to be treated to the best entertainment in Harbin. Lan Yu boasts the best cabaret show in the city. The show begins with the Chinese National Anthem, scratched and interrupted with a pop song. A playfully, lewd and crude atmosphere is maintained by the host, who will take the piss out of you to the roars of the other customers. Drag Queens dance and mime their way through popular and traditional songs. Feel free to tip, many customers leave a ‘xiao fei’ in their bra (not sure how much is for the grope and how much for the entertainment!). Strange acts are part of the show performers lie on broken glass, drill their stomachs and eat snakes. You won’t see that in Blues!!!

If you want to drink there is Corona for 15RMB, or Ha-Pi for 5RMB.

Underground in Harbin, (not a subway stupid!)

Recently a French DJ based in Guangzhou double beated his way through a set in BABYFACE, Harbin’s newest and fanciest club. Chris asked him “why are you so shite?”, to which he replied that “the decks are broken.”………. Bollox, a DJ from Harbin, who are usually crap enough to win the Eurovision Song Context, was able to mix better than him!! It was a sad time for all concerned, and better off never, ever being talked about again. 

I mention it, not to reopen old wounds, but because ‘Phillipe’ asked about a Harbin underground. What is it? Where is it? How is it? When is it? ehhhhhh, why is it?! Right, so here it is, the official guide to the Harbin underground:

Thank you.

An introduction to Haharbin.

Ok, so the first post. Let’s see…. where to start? Right, my aim is to provide a point of reference for foriegners hoping to visit/ move to/ fly over/ avoid Harbin. I want to give you the reasons why and why not, the pros and cons, the good, the bad and the ugly of this seldom talked about backwater in China.

 Why should you listen to me? Well, I’ve lived here for almost 3 years. I have lived with what Harbin has to offer and to live without what Harbin is lacking. This city has got a hold of me. I don’t know why. But for the sake of filling out a few inches I’m going to try to define what Harbin has to offer.

1. Beer, Ha Pi beer is the best beer in China. Ask anyone, anyone who disagrees is wrong.
2. Learn Chinese in Harbin, the dialect is the most standard. How do I know? The taxi drivers told me so.
3. Rough, Harbin is the wild north east. People haven’t really caught on to the whole gentrification thing yet, most bars don’t even have a mirror in the toilets.
4. Food, the place has loads of great restaurants and cheap, so cheap. Take 50RMB with you, eat your fill, stagger out with enough money in your pocket for a bottle of vodka in Blues bar (more on there later!).
5. Sights, Ice lantern festival, temples, blah blah blah.
6. Shopping, markets, department stores, enjoy haggling over a pair of 2RMB socks.
7. Small foreign community. There are about 800 foriegners here, last thing I heard. Locals love nothing more than to welcome you with a loud “HHHHEEEEEELLLLO!”.
8. Emmmm, taxis. A rollercoaster ride.
9. Ehhhhhh, weather, cold in winter, hot in summer. Winter is for hot pot with as many friends as you can find. Summer is for beer gardens with as many friends as can stand up.